Maxine Nightingale "Right Back Where We Started From"

Our family sat in the same church pew each week from the early-1980s until my parents' divorce in 1992. We attended 4:45 P.M. mass each Saturday as a family and, if we were lucky, my dad treated us to pizza afterwards. We were your typical Midwest family with my dad working in a steel mill while my mom made minimum wage holding down various clerical positions. My parents tried. They did. They married after only dating for a short time because they "had to". Their marriage survived until year 10 when "irreconcilable differences" drove them apart. Then, one night dad returned with all his belongings and moved back into a house that was no longer our home -- that home was sold months earlier with their divorce imminent. Seeking a return to normalcy, they built a new home in our old subdivision. We all moved in together and six years later, my parents gave up again. This time, my dad didn't return with his belongings. My parents officially divorced in 1992 on the first day of my sophomore year of high school.

On Christmas Eve 2018, my two aunts, mother, brother, his two children and his fiance attended mass at our old church in Indiana. We even sat in our old pew. Since we expected seating to be limited, we arrived nearly 30 minutes early. This allowed ample time for thinking. Too much thinking. As I sat there, 26 years later, emotions washed over me that I never expected. Not much had changed at this church during my absence -- it looked just like I remember it...maybe a little smaller, but still the same. This same church was where I last saw my Grandfather alive...four days before he died of a heart attack in 1989. This same church was where my Grandmother stood as my Confirmation sponsor in 1991. Earlier that Christmas Eve afternoon, we all watched old family movies including a VHS recording of my Grandmother speaking at her surprise 70th birthday in 1998. My memories of the night are cloudy for personal reasons, so I was touched hearing Grandma speak so eloquently on that tape about how the reason we all celebrated that night was because of love. "Love was what kept us all together especially after John (my Grandfather) died, " she said. Grandma died in 2004 after a long and painful battle with cancer. Already working overtime, my limbic system struggled to maintain balance. And that's when it happened.

Unexpected, my dad walked to the front pew of church where we all once sat as a family and joined us. He sat down next to his grandchildren. The rest of the pew took notice and waved excitedly. Even my mom's two sisters who always loved my dad. For a moment, I was a kid again...on Christmas Eve. In fact, I believe the red coat my dad was wearing was the same coat he wore back when my parents were married. I felt tears welling up in my left eye. I didn't know why, exactly, because I came to terms with my parents divorce long before it actually happened. Was I morning or reminiscing? I didn't know. Thoughts that zig-zagged through my brain now did loopty-loops. All of a sudden, my family was...a family again. Within ten minutes, my dad stood up just before church serviced started and walked over. He whispered to us that he was leaving. He said he had another mass to attend later that night. Looking back 48 hours later, it was probably the right decision.

Dennis DeYoung "Desert Moon"

When my parents broke up, their divorce decree awarded my dad their grandfather clock, an armoire and a household thermometer. It was quite the score for him. In the case of Styx, when Dennis DeYoung left the rock group, he maintained custody of the ballad "Desert Moon" which he later released in 1984 on his solo album.

Bruce Springsteen "Brilliant Disguise"

"Brilliant Disguise" is a more introspective song from Bruce Springsteen that echoed his state-of-mind toward his new bride, Julianne Phillips, at the time. His Tunnel of Love album alluded to unhappiness between the two. "Brilliant Disguise" questions a man's feelings toward his wife who he feels is a stranger. Phillips and Springsteen later divorced leading Bruce to Patti Scialfi who had toured with the band at the time in support of Tunnel of Love. Fans weren't shy about sharing their displeasure on Springsteen's new relationship. In a 1995 interview, he said,

"It's a strange society that assumes it has the right to tell people whom they should love and whom they shouldn't. But the truth is, I basically ignored the entire thing as much as I could. I said, 'Well, all I know is, this feels real, and maybe I have got a mess going here in some fashion, but that's life.'"

Aretha Franklin "Another Night"

Dad wanted one thing for Father's Day: he asked me to convert his old cassette tapes to CDs. In essence, he wanted me to bring his musical technology from the 1980s into the 1990s. No problem (even though it was the 2000s). After handing me a shoe box filled with his old mixtapes that he created by taping songs off the radio, I went to work. At first, I was surprised by his eclectic tastes: Phish, Nirvana, Paula Abdul, and even Heavy D and the Boyz made appearances. One constant among his dozen of mixes: the song "Another Night" by Aretha Franklin. This song (which I had never heard before) make quite a few appearances on his tapes. Perhaps that was testament to my Dad's life at the time because this and several other sad ballads littered his tapes among Motown, Grunge and House music.

My Dad made these tapes shortly after he and my mom divorced in 1992. While my mom, brother and I stayed in the house he built, my Dad moved a few miles away into a dingy studio apartment he rightfully nicknamed "the dungeon" . One particular mixtape contained a handwritten title on the label "Exile on the Boulevard". Once again, this tape contained "Another Night". My Dad wasn't one to show his feelings...much less put them into words, so I believe the lyrics to the Aretha Franklin song revealed what was going on in my Dad's heavy heart...

Another night without you

Another night, I know I can get through

Another night, it's only

Another night, I won't be lonely

Another night

Another night

Another night, it ain't much

Another night without your touch

Amy Grant "Like I Love You"

With Amy Grant's marriage to Gary Chapman nearing its breaking point, many of the songs on Grant's Behind The Eyes album touched upon her personal struggles. "Like I Love You" was one of the album's bittersweet hits--peaking at #10 on the Adult Contemporary Chart in 1998.

Babyface "Whip Appeal"

Babyface met his future wife during auditions for the music video to his soulful "Whip Appeal". Tracey Edmonds wound up getting the chicken pox and couldn't take part in the video, but fate took over from there. Babyface later ran into her and the two eventually married in 1992. The couple later divorced in 2005 and, from there, Tracey entered into a "symbolic union" with Eddie Murphy in 2008, but split weeks later.

Sting - "Fortress Around Your Heart"

Sting's divorce from his first wife was the muse for some of his biggest hits with The Police including "The King of Pain" and "Every Breath You Take".  During Sting's solo days, he revisited the pain from his divorce and turned it into "Fortress Around Your Heart" -- a Top 10 song in 1985.  

Billy Joel - "Just The Way You Are"

When you write a song about your wife and then later get divorced, how difficult is it to perform said song?  In the case of Billy Joel, he penned the 1977 ballad "Just The Way You Are" as an ode to his first wife, Elizabeth Weber.  The two divorced a few years later.  Then came numerous songs written in the 1980s and 90s about his second wife, Christie Brinkley....before those two also split.  How this man can effortlessly sing these hymns to his ex-wives night after night is truly remarkable...and it also could be why he had problems with booze.    

Kenny Loggins - "The Real Thing"

Filed away in the "Forgotten Adult Contemporary Ballads" file is Kenny Loggins' "The Real Thing".  The song comes from his Leap of Faith album--Loggins' first album post-divorce.  With a little help from David Foster, Loggins showed a softer side in the lyrics:

"I did it for you, and the boys,
Because love should teach you joy,
And not the imitation,
That your momma and daddy tried to show you.
I did it for you, and for me,
And because I still believe,
There's only one things,
You can never give up,
Never compromise on,
And that's the real thing you need in love."

Swing Out Sister - "Am I The Same Girl?"

I've noticed with my grandmother that there are only two time frames in her life: before my grandpa died and after my grandpa died.  Every story somehow references whether or not my grandpa was alive or not.  In my case, my parents divorce happened in 1992 and ever since life seemed to fit in two compartments: before and after their divorce.  After the divorce, my mother started dating which was awkward for both my brother and me.  My brother kept his emotions bottled up for months before finally exploding sometime around Easter Sunday 1993.  As for me, (for better or for worse) I also tucked my emotions beneath layers and layers of feigned indifference.  It took me years (let's be real: decades) to see just how much their failed marriage affected my views on commitment and marriage.  (Side note: I don't blame them for this--I simply point to it as why I am hard-wired the way that I am.)  What does all of this have to do with Swing Out Sister?  Well, post-divorce when my mom started dating the guy who wasn't my dad, we learned that he played in the Bugle Choir in high school.  Whenever "Am I The Same Girl" played on the radio, my mom used to laugh thinking of her new beau playing this song.  Welcome to the craziness that happens in my brain...

Kenny Loggins - "If You Believe"

Like Peter Cetera, Kenny Loggins' Leap of Faith album contained songs written after Loggins' divorce.  Following his divorce, Loggins went on to marry his therapist.  This bothered fellow classic rocker Eddie Money who said that he didn't particularly care for Loggins and wanted to punch him in the face.  (Full disclosure: the anger may have more to do with the fact that Eddie Money sang backup on Loggins' "I'm Alright", but never got credit for it.)

Richard Marx - "Now and Forever"

Richard Marx still tours, but you probably won't hear him performing "Now and Forever".  Marx's last big hit was his 1994 ballad written about his wife (actress Cynthia Rhodes).  "Now and forever I will be your man."  The two divorced earlier in 2014, so it's doubtful that Richard will want to belt out this love letter.

Peter Cetera - "Even A Fool Can See"

Love songs and Peter Cetera went hand-in-hand during his solo days.  Then Cetera turned a corner in 1993 with his post-breakup tune"Even A Fool Can See".  The single came from his heartbreaking World Falling Down album which detailed life following his divorce.  They say that every melody contains a memory, and the pain in this song is obvious.