Kenny G "Sentimental"

Kenny G's popular Breathless album helped introduce him to mass-appeal audiences thanks to songs like "Forever in Love" and "By the Time This Night Is Over". For me, it became a staple of my Saturday afternoons. Working as a busboy at a banquet hall in my hometown of Schererville, Indiana, I spent Saturday nights working what was usually two to three wedding receptions. Arriving around 5pm, I'd make it in time to hear the DJs test their equipment. Like clockwork, they always cycled through Kenny G's Breathless album which led our senior busboy Nick to proclaim it "wine music". To this date, I'm still sentimental about it...

Moody Blues "The Voice"

Before the internet, rarely did you know what a radio disc jockey looked like unless you went to a station event. Once all radio stations added websites, the curtain that most DJs hid behind finally lifted. Listeners finally got to match the voice to the face. With all due respect, people never look like how we envision. In one instance, a story floated around the radio station I worked in the early-2000s that station bosses refused to put photos of the DJs on the station's new website because one particular DJ had the proverbial "face for radio". To this day, I still don't know who this person is (or even if the story is true).

Culture Club "Karma Chameleon"

After agreeing to attend my first high school dance, the frightening reality hit me: I had no idea how to dance. Known as "Turnabout" at most schools (where the the girl asks out the boy), our school simply labeled the dance "Winter Formal". Easy enough, right? My friend, Mandy, invited me to the dance in November--providing me two solid months to figure out what the heck to do once I stepped foot on the dance floor. Most afternoons that winter, I escaped to the basement right after school and tuned on Chicago's B-96 (which labeled itself "Chicago's Dance Beat" back in those days) on my dad's stereo. The Winter Formal DJ was bound to play songs that were popular on the radio and I reasoned this gave me a chance to practice. A full-length mirror hung in our basement allowing me to take inventory of how stupid I looked while dancing. My goals were modest: find and master one move and stick with it.

Donning a rented tuxedo for the first time in my life, I stood among a houseful of camera-toting family members while awaiting my date and ride  as I was still only 15 years old. After endless "look over here" and "say cheeseburger" comments from my family, my brother failed to make good on his threat to drop a condom as I walked out the door. Thank goodness. That evening, I somehow wound up in a group of folks who were more popular (read: more attractive) than me and yet felt an awkward sense of calm. Since we were all sophomores, the majority of the couples had split up long before the dance but soldiered on as they likely didn't want to blow money on tuxedos and dresses for naught. Most of the guys in the group sat at our table with their arms folded while the girls danced with one another. Since Mandy and I were friends, there was no pressure or awkwardness like one would feel at prom because no matter what happened that night, Mandy's dad was driving me home.

For the majority of the evening, I danced. One could label my sole dance move "the snow ski" but, hey, I danced. In fact, I danced enough that other girls at my table complained to their indifferent ex-boyfriends that they should also be dancing with them. It didn't work. The majority of the guys had chips on their shoulders that refused to budge. Despite my practicing to B-96's dance music, the DJ mostly stuck to a vanilla playlist of tunes similar to what one would hear at a wedding reception. "YMCA", "The Electric Slide", "Shook Me All Night Long" played and, at one point, the DJ announced he was making good on a request for "Karma Chameleon". Weird. All told, I had a great time and (for whatever reason) didn't talk to Mandy much afterwards. It wasn't that we parted on bad terms, I just moved on and rarely talked to her again. Guilt would eventually get to me and later led to one of the more awkward phone calls of my teen life. Stay tuned for that story.

The Romantics "Talking in Your Sleep"

With a racing heart, I wake up drenched in sweat following another "dead air dream". What's a dead air dream, you ask? Well, it's a recurring dream most people in the industry have at one time or another. The premise is simple: you're a DJ whose song is ending and for whatever reason you cannot find another song and the impending dead air paralyzes you. A friend of mine who has been out of radio for over a decade recently admitted he still suffers from the occasional dead air dream nightmare.

Jack Wagner "All I Need"

Under the control board in the on-air studio sat a squirt bottle with a hand-written name on it: "Jack-Off". While it's easy to imagine what that bottle contained, it was actually a household cleaner purchased by one of the part-time DJs. This particular DJ fell under the "neat freak" category while the other DJ (named Jack) did not. Jack would aggressively scratch his head when working on-the-air which resulted in a collection of hair and dandruff on the control board. The owner of "Jack-Off" kept the bottle at work to sanitize the studio after Jack's shift. 

John Mayer "No Such Thing"

Q: Do radio stations take requests?

A: They take them, but 99% of the time they don't actually play them.

Q: Why not?

A: Most playlists are determined well in advance.

Q: What do you mean?

A: Radio stations "test" songs using auditorium testing (or other means) and develop a playlist of songs that score as "familiar" and "likable". From there, a station has a list of (usually 300) songs they deem "safe" that gets played.

Q: So why do DJs always say that they'll "try to get that song on"?

A: Because they're being nice.

Q: So there's no such thing as a request that actually gets played.

A: Not really although people tend to request songs that are current and would likely be played anyway. 

Q: I see.  

Paul Davis "Cool Night"

If my mispronouncing the word rain was bad, enter my colleague Rob who took things to another level. During the fall of 1997, Rob quit his gig working with me as part-time DJ doing the evening show. He had just been hired to host a morning show and double as Program Director at a suburban radio station. Being the trooper he was, Rob didn't want to leave his boss in a pinch without giving a full two weeks notice. Instead he soldiered on working practically 20 hours a day for two weeks and one evening his exhaustion finally caught up with him.

Just before signing off, he played the weather jingle and started reading his final weather break of the night. His brain clearly had a plan, but his mouth was not cooperating because the only word to come out of his mouth was "cooley". Standing in the back of the studio, I watched Rob completely freeze and turn a shade of red that even tomatoes envied. He couldn't recover from his blunder and anyone listening that night heard about 20 seconds of a catchy weather jingle play before Rob pressed the "out" jingle. As soon as he turned off the microphone, we both broke out in laughter. He kept saying, "Cooley?!? What the hell was that?!?". Years later, I mentioned the story to him and he claimed to have that infamous weather report on a cassette tape somewhere in his basement. Despite my pleas for a copy, he never turned it over--which, in the era of YouTube, is probably for the best....

Michael Bolton f/ Kenny G "Missing You Now"

"My first day at work? I remember mailing photos of Michael Bolton sitting in a bathrub to all of my friends." That's how my friend Lisa described her first day as a Promotions Assistant at a radio station in the early-2000s. Promotions Assistants (PA's) are the most under-appreciated people working in radio. These folks are the faces that listeners and the general public interact with the most. They're working outside your local grocery store handing out food samples and giving away DVD copies of the latest Disney movie. They accompany DJs to station events, sometimes manage station's social media channels and set up elaborate sound systems and station booths at local 5K races. Not only that, they usually field phone calls from angry people wanting to know why they still haven't received a prize they won 45 minutes ago. Despite these demands, it's an entry-level job typically staffed by college interns or recent grads. In my friend Lisa's case, she explained that her boss assigned her a desk and told her she didn't have anything for her to do on her first day at work, so she decided to clean up her desk and work space. Inside her desk drawers were several autographed photos of Adult Contemporary singer Michael Bolton. With little else to do, Lisa mailed these photos to all her friends and called it a day. (Side note: watching Teri Hatcher look longingly as Michael Bolton went off to work in the video for "Missing You Now" is worth the four minutes. A sad Hatcher sitting next to a jar of licorice is also worth the watch.)

John Mellencamp "Paper in Fire"

One ordinary Sunday morning in 1996, a boy named Blake phoned into the radio station where I was working. He made one simple request: "Will you make me a paper airplane?" Since my prankster friend Pat had a bizarre college friend named Blake, I assumed it was the two of them teaming up to interrupt my Sunday morning. Not wanting to be rude, I played along with "Blake" and assured him that I would gladly make and throw a paper airplane his way. He then quickly rattled off his mailing address and hung up the phone. Later that week, I cornered Pat and asked him if he knew anything about "the paper airplane kid", and he pleaded ignorance. A few weeks later, I walked into the on-air studio and heard the DJ talking on the phone with Blake. "Wait a minute," I thought. Blake is a real person?!? Sure enough, Blake was a regular caller who asked anyone who answered the phone for a paper airplane.

Fast forward about seven years and, again, I walk into the on-air studio and begin chatting with the DJ. He pauses mid-sentence and picks up the request line where a now grown-up version of Blake asks for a paper airplane. Blake no longer sounds like a child, as his voice is now deeper like that of Barry White. I asked the DJ if Blake has ever called before and he rolls his eyes and says, "All. The Time.". I then learn than Blake's family moved to one of the Carolinas, but he still kept up his phone calls requests for paper airplanes. 

Aaron Neville "Somewhere, Somebody"

Most DJ's avoid the radio station's phone lines at all costs...instead they answer only when they're conducting a contest. I, for one, always enjoyed answering the phones because you just never knew who was going to call...especially when working the overnight shift (midnight until 5am). After the bars closed, you'd get your drunken requests for songs, sobbing teenagers who just broke up with their significant others and freaky calls from curious perverts with creepy voices who asked if I liked my back scratched by long painted fingernails (true story). Most radio stations also had their "regulars" -- folks who knew everyone by name and checked in daily. Somewhere in Chicago, somebody named Margie places daily phone calls to my radio station and (for the past 20 years) has said the same three things (usually followed by giggles):

• "Hey, good looking, thanks for the weather."
• "Are you gonna be here tomorrow?"
• "Will you play The Carpenters?"

Gloria Estefan "Turn the Beat Around"

Things I Don't Know Why I Remember: WPNT-FM midday host Lynne Murray backselling a Gloria Estefan song and saying "I wonder if her friends call her Glo?".

Dionne Warwick "Deja Vu"

I once worked with a fascinating guy who worked as a radio DJ at two different stations in the same city. Because of that, his Program Director made him change his name so as to not confuse the listeners. Since it was a rock station, he decided to use the name Ron Dezvous.

Toto "Rosanna"

SIGN OF THE TIMES

It was the early-2000s and I worked for an Adult Contemporary radio station in Chicago.  My Program Director at the time ordered me (and other DJs) to fade out the ending of the song "Rosanna" from Toto before the guitar solo.  Why?  He said because "soccer moms don't like guitars".

Aaron Neville - "Can't Stop My Heart From Loving You (The Rain Song)"

Adult Contemporary disc jockeys had a mouthful to say when talking about Aaron Neville's "Can't Stop My Heart From Loving You (The Rain Song)".  That title just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

The Fifth Dimension - "(Last Night) I Didn't Get to Sleep At All"

For a few years in the early-2000s, I worked an on-air shift each Saturday and Sunday morning from 5-10am.  Let's now take a peek at what I did on the Friday and Saturday evening prior to working those glorious early-bird shifts: here we see Todd staring at the clock and counting down the amount of sleep I would get if I fell asleep right at that moment.  "OK, I can get five hours of sleep if I fall asleep right now."  This process would get repeated each week and usually culminated in me accumulating about two to four hours of sleep.

Norah Jones - "Come Away With Me"

A good friend of mine was getting married on a warm Saturday in October of 2005.  Since I was the best man and knew someone working on the air that morning in Chicago, I set up a special on-air "shout out" that morning.  I let my friend know that the shout-out was coming up in a matter of minutes, but he freaked out because he and his parents were dining at Sophia's Pancake House a few blocks from his parent's Indiana home.  He then jumped up from his seat at the restaurant and went to the manager who was working the cash register.  "Can you change the radio station?" he asked.  The look on the manager's face seemed to say "no" causing my friend to blurt out: "I'm getting married today and the DJ on 101.9 The Mix is about to play a song for us!".  The manager quickly changed the radio station and then asked all his pancake-loving patrons to be quiet.  Following Norah Jones' "Come Away With Me", my friend and all of Sophia's Pancake House in Highland, Indiana were treated to a little shout-out from my DJ friend Nikki.  I'm confident that could have been the best wedding gift that wasn't on their registry.    

DC Talk - "Between You And Me"

My first real job title in radio was that of "Board Operator".  A Board Operator (or "board op") did everything that a DJ did...except talk.  In my case, I would show up each Sunday morning at 5am and play four hours of public affairs programming.  At one time, the FCC required multiple hours of public affairs programming in order for a radio station to retain its license.  That requirement is still in existence today, but it is far less strict than it once was.  One particular show that was considered "public affairs" was a two hour religious program called "Face to Face".  The show was basically Christian music with religious-toned themes in between songs.  One such Christian act whose music was featured on "Face to Face" was DC Talk.  Their hit "Between You And Me" crossed over into Adult Contemporary radio stations in 1996.  

Debbie Gibson - "Lost in Your Eyes"

Do you remember calling a radio station and requesting a song for some guy you thought was cute?  The DJ probably asked for your name and then told you that he'd "try to get that one on for ya" before hanging up and giving the same response to the next caller.  Chances are pretty good that you never heard your request.

Gloria Estefan - "Christmas Through Your Eyes"

Being the newbie at the radio station, I had the dubious task of working on all the holidays.  The first Christmas that I worked was in 1996 when my shift started at the pleasant 4am hour and lasted until 10am.  When I arrived that Christmas morning, the DJ who was on before me told me that we were running two hours early.  That meant that we were already playing music from the 6am when it was still 4am.  Today, you would typically pick up the phone and call your Program Director or Music Director and they would add some more music for you.  Since it was Christmas morning in 1996 and the Music Director was on vacation, I just chose my own music and prayed that the song wasn't in Spanish.  Most Christmas songs are short, so it was a struggle to find two hours worth of music to get us back "on time".  I played many Christmas songs that I had never heard of and probably shouldn't have played (because they were just plain bad ).  With my best efforts, that cold Christmas morning in 1996 saw a Christmas miracle happen on the 15th floor of the John Hancock Building: I managed to get us back "on time".

Leann Rimes - "Can't Fight The Moonlight"

Five years ago today, my then-girlfriend's cousin got married and they threw a low-budget Thursday afternoon wedding (full disclosure: he is a veteran and it was Veteran's Day).  The budget-conscious couple asked me to DJ the wedding reception.  Although I worked in radio, I had never before DJ'd a wedding.  No worries, they assured me, they only had the reception hall until 8pm.  After the wedding got underway about 30 minutes late, the allotted time for dancing at the reception shrunk to about 70 minutes.  This amounted to being able to play about 20-25 songs.  The couple provided me with a list of song suggestion from a link on their wedding website where people could make requests.  Somehow Leann Rimes' "Can't Fight the Moonlight" was one of those requests.  Not only that, but that same person brought her CD that contained "Can't Fight The Moonlight" with her.  Given the tight playlist, I was never able to squeeze in the song at the reception.  At the conclusion of the event, I announced the final song (Guns 'n Roses "November Rain", by request of the bride & groom) and then was promptly booed.  I will never DJ another wedding.